On a Sear's hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping. (darn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).

On a bag of Fritos:
"You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside." (the shoplifter special?)

On a bar of Dial soap:
"Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how???....)

On some Swanson frozen dinners:
"Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion).

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom):
"Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)!

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
"Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought????...)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
"Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time)?

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:
"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid:
"Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and...I'm taking this because???....)

On most brands of Christmas lights:
"For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to..what)?

On a Japanese food processor:
"Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts:
"Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)

On a child's superman costume:
"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

On a Swedish chainsaw:
"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (Oh my ....was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)